Funny Thanksgiving Travel Tips

We are staying home for the Thanksgiving holiday but many are heading over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.. so I thought I'd give you a few funny tips for the journey from the New Yorker:

• Don’t bring a second turkey as a gift for your hosts. Instead, bring extra guests.
• F.Y.I., Yams and sweet potatoes are the same thing. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.
• Don’t follow the GPS, follow your heart.
• Do not waste space packing your workout shorts or running shoes. The only clothes you need are eating clothes, crying clothes, and escape clothes.
• When waiting for your massively delayed flight, remember: no one likes a complainer, but everyone loves a conspiracy theorist in a trench coat yelling into a TCBY cup as if it were a megaphone.
• Long car trip? Spice it up by cutting the brake line.
• A healthy and carbon-efficient mode of transportation is riding your bike from your house to the back of your house where you can hide until the holidays blow over.
• For your safety, always keep your seatbelt buckled. The pilot only ever turns the fasten seat belt sign off to prevent a mutiny.
• Between flying or the train, pick the train: they don’t take your guns away.
• Teleportation seems like a quick and easy way to get where you’re going, but you’ll find you miss the sound of screaming babies.
• Practice saying, “This is the worst airline I’ve ever flown” before getting to the airport—it will make you stand out from the amateurs.
• A hot-air-balloon ride is a good way to tell your relatives: I am not going to make it for Thanksgiving this year.
• Yes, you guessed it: the conductors on your Amtrak train are actually lost airline pilots.

What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Any travel tips you'd care to share?